Over the course of this month, I’ll be writing about helping people through grief. While I’m writing for the animal community, much of it can be translated into helping people who have lost a human as well.
My first piece of advice is to make a plan to be there for the grieving. Pull up the calendar you use and put in an alert 4-6 weeks from the date of the loss. Many people find that support tapers off around 4 weeks after a loss, and that’s when the full weight can really land. So, when that alert pops up on your calendar, stop for a moment. Call that person. Send an invitation to lunch. Send a card. Take a moment to ask how that person is doing… and then listen to the response.
You don’t have to have answers. Most people experiencing loss know there are no answers or quick solutions. There’s a hole in the heart/soul that needs to mend, but experiencing love from another helps that healing.
Part of my job is to talk with people who have lost a pet and offer that help. My experience has been this, there is an automatic reaction to say “I’m fine.” The reasons for this are plentiful: they really are doing well and at peace in that moment, they don’t want to be a burden on anyone, they don’t feel entitled to grieve, they don’t want to be vulnerable, and the list goes on. By waiting a few weeks to call people back, they have a better idea of the support they need and are able to verbalize it. Sometimes, all they know is that they need help, and I can help guide them towards support in their area.
This does not mean you mark a date on your calendar and do nothing until that date. There are plenty of things you can do in the moment: send a card or flowers, take over a nutritious meal, offer to watch children or pets (if they have any) so they can have a break from some responsibilities for a while, call and chat on the phone about absolutely anything the grieving person wants to talk about. In another post I’ll talk about things to say (and avoid) to grieving people.
Veterinary Chaplaincy services 