January 2020 – Veterinary Chaplaincy services

I was thinking of the show “Kids Say the Darndest Things.” If you’re not familiar with the premise, the show’s host will talk to kids in a talkshow format, and you just wait for the child’s response. It’s usually quite humorous with a ring of truth that only a child could say.

Grief is a little like that – there are responses to words or situations that only we understand. Perhaps, only another in grief could understand. I recently experienced my own loss, and I also had my own “darndest moment.” I was getting my nails done when I flipped open the case on my phone to change the music. There was a strand of my dog’s fur on it. Without a thought, I blew on my phone to remove the fur and it flittered on to the table a short distance away. I stared at it and immediately regretted blowing it away. Lots of thoughts ran through my mind, but I couldn’t bear the thought that someone would wipe it away to clean the table and not understand the life that was attached in the growth of that one strand. I picked up, placed it back on my phone and began to cry while my nails were painted.

This will happen, and it’s okay. I let the people around me know that I had lost someone in my family recently, and I just had a memory pop up, but I was fine. I didn’t need to tell them more than that, and I didn’t want to be more vulnerable than that. I wasn’t driving at the time, but I have had moments where I need to pull over and let the emotions be recognized.

I’ve had people tell me that they feel stupid or dumb for these little things causing tears or intense grief to wash over. I want you to know it’s neither of these things, nor is it a negative thing to have happen. It’s the little things that make a relationship different from the other ones in your life. I only allow my dogs to lick my face – humans not permitted. Only my husband gets some of my jokes. Only a few friends get my love of food from Wisconsin. These are the things that make our connections unique, and the loss of them are worthy of note. They are worthy of the tears we shed. Other people do not have to be included into the weight of that unless we permit.

So, if you find yourself opening a can, watching a movie, or having your nails done and feel grief come up, please know you are not alone. It’s not silly – it’s a testament to the individuality of your relationship.

With a new year comes new opportunities. Many people create New Year Resolutions. After listening to one of my daily meditations, I decided to create New Year Intentions. What’s the difference between the two? Often, we treat resolutions as an all-or-nothing situation, and if we fall short of our resolutions, we give up. (Think the gym in February versus January 2nd!) An intention offers a level in compassion that we can try again when there are brownies in the office calling our name, or we need to sleep a few more hours instead of hitting the gym.

This year, one of my intentions is to use a gratitude jar, and several of my clients are joining me on this journey. A gratitude jar is a container in which I will slip written notes of moments of gratitude. I set a goal of doing this at least once a week, but I can put notes in as often as I wish. I’m also going to date each of these notes, so I’m able to place this moment in time. There’s no right or wrong way to use a gratitude jar – do whatever feels right for you. If you are grateful for peanut butter M&Ms, put that in the jar. Grateful that a friend called just to say hello? Write it down. Someone let you cut in line? You get the idea. It’s anything that makes your life a little better.

I use this as an alternative to journaling. I still believe journaling is a GREAT way to release thoughts and feelings as well as marking a journey, but I know it’s not right for everyone. Using a jar also narrows the focus towards gratitude instead of being about anything and everything. I know I like a little focus in my life.

I’ve included pictures of some of the gratitude jars I’ve created for people to get you started and get the creative juices flowing. Here’s what you will need to make your own:

Glass Jar – plastic can work, but check your adhesive to make sure the items stick and it doesn’t warp the plastic.
Adhesive – I recommend Mod Podge for this. Once smoothed out, it doesn’t create ripples like school glue can. It also comes in a variety of finishes – you’ll notice my use of extreme glitter in the pictures.
Paper cutouts – this is how I really customized. I went online and printed out pictures of items I wanted.
Photos
Stickers – stickers used for scrapbooking are quite forgiving if you need to take them off and place them in a new place.
Ribbon
Sealant – Mod Podge works well for this but you can also use a shellac. You’ll want to make sure you protect items from the elements. Paper cutouts are especially vulnerable.

Make sure your jar is clean and free of residue. once you have adhered all your items on the jar, let is set to dry completely before applying a thin coat of sealant. Allow that to dry, and you’re all set!