“This might sound silly, but…”
“I know it’s stupid, but…”
“I don’t know if this is normal, but…”
Most of the time, minimization starts with a put down and goes into a “but.” I hear this often with clients. They even apologize for crying. It’s a typical reaction, but why has this become part of our cultural norm?
I think it’s because we’re already hurting, and we want to protect ourselves from further harm. If I say my emotions are silly, it won’t hurt so much if someone else says it or confirms that feeling. Right? If I apologize for crying, the person near me might not feel so uncomfortable and possibly leave me all alone in this pain.
Stop apologizing. Stop minimizing.
Our emotions are an important part of our humanity. Everyone, and I do mean everyone, experiences grief. It’s a deep expression of how much love permeated this life. Have you ever seen the ground after a plant or tree has been removed? When a plant is removed, like a single flower, the ground is upturned and clearly disturbed. When a tree is removed, the root system is pulled through the earth from great depths, and it looks like a scar that could never possibly heal. The deeper the root system, the more the absence is noted – the deeper the love connection, the more the grief may be felt.
But, much like the scar of removing a tree, healing does come. One of the healing methods that helps is the rain that falls. It softens the ground so the healing properties may ignite. Our tears are the rain of our soul. We need them to tend our inner garden. It ignites parts of our brain we know and are still trying to understand. It’s cathartic. You will not drown in it.
So, stop apologizing for being human. Stop minimizing a love that meant so much to you. If others don’t understand what it’s like to be loved by an animal, they are the ones who have missed out. Find others who do understand. A love like that deserves to be felt fully.
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