There will be many firsts after losing a pet; one of those is crossing into the new year without them. How do we honor what has been, all while looking forward to what can be?
First, where you are is right where you need to be. So, where are you? Are you ready for a new pet or are you trying to soothe a spot that hurts? If the first, go ahead. If the latter, sit with this feeling a little longer. It’s okay to feel the pain. Honestly, it’s okay to feel whatever you’re feeling right now – it’s what makes you human, this huge array of overlapping emotions.
I would add to this – are you ready for change? Some people I’ve supported were not ready for change for quite some time. They just needed to feel what was happening now instead of making changes. I actually applaud this – it’s knowing who you are and what you need, with no apology necessary. If you feel ready for change… read on!
Where do you want to be? Don’t be vague with answers such as “I want to feel better.” What is better? How will you know you are? I would even go so far as to suggest making it a positive intention. “I want to smile at some point every day,” is stronger and healthier than “I want to cry less.” It’s leaning into where you want to go instead of leaning away instead of focusing on preventing a feeling – it’s like building instead of taking away.
Set reminders in your calendar and your phone. Surprisingly, this can really help reflect on where you’ve been and where you’re going. Think you’re ready for a new pet but want to give it a little while? Put a note in for 2-6 months from now saying “How do I feel about another pet today?” Thinking about giving away items like beds and toys? “Do I feel ready to part with [pet’s] items?”
Why do this? When we write things down, our brains don’t have to work so hard to remember them. (Think about how many phone numbers you used to know by memory and how many you know now!) This gives our brains some rest – knowing the question will come around again in due time.
Whatever you chose to do – do it with the intention of healing. Do it because it honors your pet. Do it because it connects you with others. Do it because it ignites a flame/light within you. That flame never really went out – it conserved energy for when the time is right to glow bright again.
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