Be honest with yourself

“I’m fine.”
“It doesn’t really bother me.”
“It’s not that big of a deal.”

This is what we say to others when they ask how we’re doing or bring up some aspect of our grief. There are as many reasons why we do this as there are available names for a baby (that’s a lot of reasons).

It could be that we’re conditioned to say we’re fine. “Pull yourself up by your bootstraps”, and “don’t be a burden to others” is very much ingrained in the American culture. We could also be trying to politely tell people we don’t want to get into the topic without actually saying it. We could be trying to convince ourselves that it really isn’t that big, or minimizing so it doesn’t hurt so bad if others tell us there are bigger worries out there.

There are things we choose to share with others, and it depends on the relationship we have with them, including trust level. No matter what you choose to share with others – tell yourself the truth. No one can find what they are looking for or need if they are surrounded only by lies and half-truths. If you hurt, acknowledge it. If you feel lost, acknowledge it. If you’re not fine, it’s okay to say so.

Your feelings are your own. No one gets to claim and name them but you. So, why not be honest with yourself. It’s the most straightforward path to knowing what you need for support. Sit in your car and talk it out. Cry in the shower. Write in a journal. Join a support group. Find a space where you can be honest with yourself, and see where it can take you.