Everyone has a different love language. (If you want to know yours, click here!) This can also translate into having different needs in grief. So what do we do when people in the house grieve differently?
- Acknowledge the differences. The first step to any change is recognizing things are out of sync.
- Have an idea of what you may need. You are not locked into this – you can change at any time, you are constantly evolving being after all!
- Ask for what you need and don’t need. Want a hug? Let people know that what you really want. Hate hugs but love an email check in? Let people know that too. People want to support you, but they don’t want to add to your hurt.
- Listen to what others around you need. You may want to talk it all out until you feel some relief, but your loved one just wants to be alone to process. Grief and recovery are not one size fits all.
- When your needs don’t match up, give permission to find outlets. For the talker, grant that person permission to talk with other people who can listen. For the introvert, grant that person uninterrupted time. Do you need permission? Not really, but it is a kind and loving gesture to honor the wishes someone expressly requests.
- Set time aside to check in and make sure what you’ve been doing still works. Remember that you’re not locked into just one method of care, so you’ll need to check in from time to time and make adjustments as needed.
- Find common ground. Find things to do together. Have a meal. Watch a movie. Binge watch a multi-episode TV show. Lay in bed while each of you scroll through social media. Being near each other will lead you back to the conversations and moments to keep the threads of your relationship tapestry strong.
It’s okay if you need different things in grief than other people in your network of support. You’re different people with different pasts.
Veterinary Chaplaincy services 