Yup, it’s a real thing. People feel guilty about feeling happy. Humans are strange, complex, and fascinating beings. I’ve said before we don’t experience emotions in a vacuum – we’re not just happy, sad, angry, or any other emotion. We’re never 100% pure on a singular emotion… and that’s what can make guilt and happiness so weird to interact.
I know lots of people feel guilty surrounding the loss of a pet – whether it was your decision or not. Ripples of guilt are a normal response to loss. Feeling this does not mean you have done something wrong – it means you are human. If you think of it like water, it’s usually a little trickle of a stream that flows around the edges of life – it’s there, but hardly any attention is paid to it. Then there’s this seismic shake up with loss; much like the Grand Canyon, that little trickle is a flood carving out everything in its path. Everything feels bigger and more pronounced right now.
The gap from one emotion to another is now huge. Happiness is now on the other side of that canyon. People say they feel like they should be [insert emotion] instead of happy. I get it – it doesn’t feel right to laugh when the situation is so serious. People may seem to judge us for not being sad enough. Yet, laughing can be a great thing to do! I’ve done a laughing meditation with my support group before, and they have told me it feels good to laugh, to increase the dopamine levels, and to feel a pause in their loss.
Laughing meditation (or laughing yoga) increases oxygen into the body, increases epinephrine and dopamine, boosts the immune system, and triggers the parasympathetic nervous system.
I have a lot of Irish heritage in me. While I haven’t been to a full Irish wake, I’ve seen glimpses of them as I’ve joked with family at wakes and funerals. I’ve seen the funeral marches found in New Orleans. Both of these examples honor the serious of the situation while celebrating the life still in the room – the time to cry and the time to laugh. They bump up one another. Yup, it’s uncomfortable at first, and I know it’s not for every situation… but, it is okay to feel your lungs expand to take in the air around you. It would take time to fill in the Grand Canyon with pebbles – honestly, we’d have to figure out where to find that many pebbles! So, start with a few things here and there. Start with a smile, chuckle, or a smirk and shake of the head. Laugh and cry at the same time. Happiness guilt is a marker on the journey but not the end point.
Additional reading on this topic:
Headspace meditations on “The After Series” – Happiness during grief
Pathways home health “Is it OK to be happy during grief?“
Hospice Red River Valley “4 tips to deal with happiness guilt.“
Veterinary Chaplaincy services 