When I start talking about the horizontal and experience of grief, most people think I’m talking about the rollercoaster of emotions that comprise the feelings of grief. It’s completely reasonable to assume this, but I’m going to use it in a different sense – what you do alone and what you do together.
In my previous post, I talked about when people in a relationship experience grief differently. This time I’m going to explore a different way to view this intersection.
The horizontal (linear) experience
This is best described as the chronological experience – the passing through time. This is the experience each person travels individually. I like to think of the grid on a globe – the latitude lines are parallel, so they never touch. In this way, you have your life experience that only you have encountered. Others may have encountered similar things as you, but only you have experienced them in a specific order and valued them the way you have. This is also how we experience time; it starts at one point and travels to another.
The linear (vertical) experience
This is probably best described as the interactions we have with others. Have you ever seen athletes after a game? The form 2 lines that run parallel to each other, and then they stick out their hands to slap or fist bump. When they stick their hands out to make that connection, that’s part of a vertical experience. Going back to our globe, the longitude lines eventually meet at the poles, and we eventually need more than our own thoughts and feelings. It’s going to something more than just ourselves; this could be conversing with others, interactions with a deity, attending support groups, communing with nature – and experience where the sum is greater than the parts.
True, there are introverts and extroverts out there, and we all gravitate to one of these experiences as a home base where we recharge and prepare to face the day before us. However, we cannot do only one without the other. Humans are meant to be in community, and I have never seen a need for a community more than a moment of grief and hardship. As you look at these options, see which one is your home base. Try dipping your toe in the other one and see how it stretches you into greater, and deeper, healing.
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