I’ve worked with several people for 3 years+, and while most of the time they believe they have can manage their grief, the holidays seem really difficult. They wonder if they are going “backwards” or starting from square one again.
I like to think of it as the gap between the academic years in school. Remember every September when you went back to school, and you’d sit in class thinking, “I know I learned this, but I can’t remember it.”? The teacher would backtrack a little, offer a reminder, and then the class would start to build on from that.
Holiday grief is a little like summer break and the . It’s a time of year that is relatively short but distinct from the rest of the year. For most of the year, we have an opportunity to learn about our loss and grief. We build day-by-day upon the lessons from the previous days and weeks. We learn how to manage without our loved one and make meaning in our lives. Then the holidays show up and last about 50 days. The sights, sounds, and smells are different from the rest of the year. We see trees, candles, and lights on houses. We smell pine and special baked goods handed down through generations. Even the songs we hear on the radio and in stores are different – for better or worse. We are suddenly transported back to a time when our loved one was near… and there’s limited time to navigate this differently marked grief before returning to ordinary life.
There is nothing wrong with you. You are not losing your mind. You are having a very normal and human response to grief. This is the time to find a support group and reach out to friends. Share your story and your longing. Your grief is normal and understandable and still deserves to be honored.
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